Never the Right Balance

They told me to stop being so timid, to stop speaking so softly, and that sometimes the way to success isn’t quiet responses made up of nods and smiles. They told me I was too modest.

So I started speaking.

Then they told me to stop being so vocal, to stop sounding like I was aware of what I could accomplish, that sometimes one needs to be silent to be noticed, and that sometimes success arrives quietly. They told me I was too conceited.

So I stopped listening to them.

I Should Be Sleeping

I should be sleeping. I went shopping with my parents to Long Island and got a headache on the way there that persisted for hours, and it still lingers now. I ended up not buying anything, and coming home hungry, tired and really out of it, aannddd I have class bright and early tomorrow. I have to wake up at 5:26 am to be exact, and that’s if the first alarm manages to wake me.

I should be sleeping, but I can never bring myself to go to sleep early enough to get a decent amount of sleep for school. I still have to check the weather, pick out an outfit, pack my bag and lunch, clean my desk, water Nolie, my bamboo plant (yes I named my bamboo plant), and more…

I should be sleeping, but instead I just have to stay up listening to music and doing nothing, because that obviously feels more important.

I should be sleeping, but I can’t stop thinking about everything. Now more often than ever, I find myself stuck in my head so deeply, that I forget what I did right before or during I spaced out. I applied to a college as a transfer student last night, and filled out another application to send in this coming week, all that’s left is to pay for the application and send in my transcripts. I probably won’t end up transferring, but I will regret not applying more than spending the money on those applications. And it’s not just the college stuff, but that’s a chunk of it.

I should be sleeping, but the night beckons me to stay awake.